Easy weight loss?

[a Bald Cypress]

b

Mick,
Being highly edu-mak-ited myself, I will explain.
Although my Calf hide is not from the prestigious Bodine Institute.

Friend Bear, in his very verbose post simply stated this.

He and his friends enjoy sippin whiskey along the banks of a river while dern near passed out on a lawn chair and daydreaming of young gymnast female types with very prominant er em ahh, mountains, yea thats it, prominant mountains in skimpy tops.

Now, if you save this post and use it as a primer, you will be able to cypher out most of the posts the lawyers make.

 

[bearridge]

Dang good job Baldy. Here iz some more.

Birmingham Sea Scrolls-(kinda like the Dead Sea Scrolls......wrote on funny paper that dont crumble after a few centuries) found near a ancient lake somewhere east of Birmingham, Alabama a few years ago. They tell of one of the lost tribes that run off frum the others 'n settled on the east side of Alabama bout five 'er four centuries ago. [Folks aint sho exactly when they settled there cuz countin' by centuries didnt begin til the late 1950's 'er mebbe a bit earlier.

Paddlin' Geezer Canoe Clud-a buncha smelly ole paddlers known fer river dawdlin'.....who fertilize national forests ever chance they git.

Southern Constellations-Folks round here didnt take ta the Greek star figures, so they come up with new star pichurs when they lay out under the stars at nite. Dolly Parton haz some fine peaks.

Touchdown Jesus-A big Roman statue up north with hiz hands up like when ya make a touchdown 'er a extra point. [I aint got time ta tell ya bout football....ours aint nuthin' like the one ya'll play.]

Brett (Farve)-A fella frum jest down the road who plays football, but mostly he likes ta joke around with the coaches, referees 'n the other football players....he quit the game last year, but changed hiz mind....hiz biggest joke yet.

Tennessee & Kentucky whiskey-The only whiskey fit ta drink.

Notredamus-Lived hundreds of years ago somewhere in France. He figgered out Lee Harvey wuz gwine ta plug Johnny Kennedy in Dallas......way before it come ta pass.

Sam Walton lawn chair-A cheap plastic lawnchair (usually $7 'er $8) made in China. Van (reared in Southern Dakota) camps with one....no tent, no hammock, jest a blue tarp ta cover him 'n hiz chair if it commences ta rain (which it done some that nite he helped drain my jug).

Bodine College-Founded by Jethro Bodine with money he borrowed frum hiz Uncle Jed in 1968. It aint online yet like that university of Phoenix, but they dont even have a computer sheepskin fer sale yet. Ya kin git a law degree fer $49.95 when they run a sale.

Miz Rose Etta-Runs a truck stop 'n cafe jest outside Opelika, Alabama. [See google maps] When the Birmingham Sea Scrolls wuz found, they ended up with a long haulin' trucker (whose name history haz now fergot). He showed it ta Mister Stone (Rose Etta's husband who helps run the cafe part). He give him a six pack of energy drinks 'n a Confederate Flag cap with a pichur of Hank Williams, Jr. in the center of it fer the scrolls. Folks been helpin' translate cuz it wuz wrote in a foreign language.....mebbe English. When they finish, there iz talk of ebay.

Southern Dakota iz near bout ta Canada. Buddy the Caretaker at the Firemens Club wuz workin' up that way one fall when he left the honky tonk (a bar where folks dont always behave) ta bleed hiz rat. It wuz awful cold. He looked down 'n seen a yellow stalagmite comin' up at him. He sez "that iz it.....too dang cold fer me". He give hiz notice 'n left fer home the next day.

I hope that clears up any questions, but let me know if that didnt clear it all up.

regards
bearridge

I predict future happiness for Americans if they can prevent the government from wasting the labors of the people under the pretense of taking care of them. Thomas Jefferson

 

[a Bald Cypress]

b

One last time for those without the benefits of having graduated from the 6th grade as I did in 1961 at the young age of 16.
Bye the Bye, I was the first in my family to achieve such a sterling education and the folks are mighty proud of me.

What our highly educated friend is trying to say in his o’ so verbose way is.

It’s to dang cold ta live and function in the north.

Move at da South where ya can durn near pass out while streached out on your lawn chair [made by 14 year old gymnasts in china]. Sip good Kentuky er Tennissee whiskey and daydream of young gymnasts with large prominent body features wearing skimpy tops.

Now, please don’t bother me with any more translations. I gotta go streach out on a lawn chair.

P.S. I must add, Football players are likely to change thier minds about retireing and durn near passing out on a lawn chair while sippin whiskey and dreaming of young gymnasts etc, etc.

 

[bearridge]

Friend Baldy,

Ya really stuck that landin'....but the Chinaman judge give ya a 6. :? In case ya'll missed it, here it iz....the facts, jest the facts.

 

[jimsong]

Bear,
I did not go willingly to South Dakota. I was dragged from the sunny south as a tot. We came back to Oklahoma, Christmas of 1955. We left Burke S. Dak. driving in an eight foot deep trench of snow, and it was below zero.
Arriving at my Grand parents home in Oklahoma, it was 65 degrees. I was astonished, and wondered why the hell we lived in a freezer.
We moved back to Oklahoma when I was twelve, and I have never again set foot in South Dakota. It's not a bad place, I just prefer not to freeze my a$$ off!

 

[Kayak Jack]

I'll send you fellas the paperwork to sign subsequently. You're all guilty of abusing the truth, and you KNOW that's just not right on here. Fines will be commensurate, by indirect proportion, to the stretching you gave to the truth.
Truthful Jack


By the way, damned good job of it, too.

 

[BEARS BUDDY]

Ah dun lernt more 'portent stuf hear taday then ever afore jes fallun this written stuf. Mah ejumication is bout pleated affer this an took only fiv yers--kinda lik th oncst grade.

 

[bearridge]

Friend Jim,

I asked Van how he ended up paddlin' with a bunch a Florida 'n New Jersey geezers. He sez when he passed high school he went ta town ta join the Navy. The Navy didnt have no interest in hirin' any new hands that week, but they come back each month. One of the other fellas tole Van the Air Force wuz comin' in a few days, so he joined up with 'em....jest ta git outta the Dakotas. The Air Force sent him ta the sunshine state. He liked it so much he aimed ta stay there once hiz time wuz up.

regards
bearridge

Well we don't rent pigs and I figure it's better to say it right out front because a man that does like to rent pigs is... he's hard to stop. Augustus McCrae

 

[oldsparkey]

I'll send you fellas the paperwork to sign subsequently. You're all guilty of abusing the truth, and you KNOW that's just not right on here. Fines will be commensurate, by indirect proportion, to the stretching you gave to the truth.
Truthful Jack

Jack has no room to talk , Here is how he spent the whole trip in the 10,000 islands of Florida and specifically the Picnic Key Camping trip since the motel room was a few miles from us.

Nope that is not something from the sea that got beached or washed ashore , if it was we would of thrown it back to the sea....... It is Jack doing what he does the best. At lease Van sets up a cot and then crashes.
Can I say it was one relaxing trip for someone. Two days later we poked him with a kayak paddle to make sure he was still with us. :lol: :roll: :lol:

Anyone can tell it is Jack , just look at the Hat. :wink:

Chuck.

 

[Kayak Jack]

Chuck's right. Two days before I left for this trip, I was in the hospital with pneumonia. Jimmie Dorazio (Yakus Droolicus) drove us from Michigan to Everglades City.

I paddled over eight miles (against the tide, I might add), and fell asleep.

Upon our return to Everglades City, we found they had shipped out anything even dimly relating to smarts, and we had to do business with the left overs. When the Statue of Liberty asked for the storm tossed masses, wretched refuse yearning to breathe free, She didn't realise all that refuse would wash up on just one shore. Accelerated cerebral degeneration.

 

[jimsong]

Mick,
Apparently the Australian pro athetes have more character than a good many American pro athletes.
I'm sure most are dedicated to their sport, and do a workmanlike job.
but at least once a week, some rectal orifice, who is being paid tens of millions of dollars a year, for what is basically a part time seasonal job, has hurt someone, got caught with illegal drugs, get involved in illegal gambling, one jerk was running a dog fighting operation, another choked his coach out(That one particularly tees me off. He was banned for life from playing professional sports, but he took the NBA to court, saying he couldn't make a living without playing basketball, and after all he only choked one coach out. The idiot judge force the NBA to allow him to play.)
One running back has been jailed five times, banned from football for a year, and he's playing for the Cowboys now.
I am not anti sports. I played whatever was in season until the ninth grade, when there was too much work at home for me to take the time to play. I played one year of college football. (185 is far too small for a linebacker on any college team!) I did amateur karate tournements for awhile in my late twenties.
I am just anti pro sports. I haven't always been so. The timbre of pro sports has changed in the last twenty years or so. When I was a kid, professional athletes were held to a higher standard of behavior, and the athletes willingly accepted that mantle. Nowadays, it's just business, more mercenary, just a mess of gladiators.
I do watch college and high school football now and then, the Sooner-Longhorn game each Fall, is one of the best American style football game anywhere, any time! In Texas there is a phenominon called "eight man football". It's played more like basketball, than eleven man football. I still don't understand the game totally
That's all I have to say.