Sensitive Aussie bloke...

[dawallace45]

John, Tony and Malcolm are working on a really high building. Caught off guard by a big gust of wind, John falls off and is killed instantly. As the body is being taken away Malcolm says to Tony, “How about you go to the house and break the news to his wife. Surely you can be a bit more sensitive about this than the police would be”.

A couple of hours later, Tony returns with a six pack under his arm. Malcolm says “You were supposed to be going to break the sad news... not to go to the pub”.

“She gave it to me” says Tony.

“Bull...t!” says Malcolm. “Why would she do that?”

“Well she did! I knocked on the door. When she answered I said – You must be John’s widow. She said 'I’m not a widow' – so I said – You wanna bet a six pack on that...”

David

 

[Kayak Jack]

A man after my heart!

DI to recruits, "All men with both parents still alive, step forward - WHERE YOU GOIN', JONES??!!"

 

[graybeard]

John had just won first prize at a cat show and had received a 10-day cruise to the Puerto Rico. The catch was, though, pets weren't allowed on the cruise. So John decided to call his brother Al.

Al agreed to come over to John's house and stay with their mom and the cat for the duration of the cruise.
John told Al, "Just feed the cat three meals a day, and take good care of him. He's my prize-winning cat!" And with that, he left.

The next day, John phoned Al on his cell phone and asked, "How are things?" To which Al responded, "Things are fine."

"How's Mom?"
"Mom's fine."

"How's the cat?"
"The cat's fine." Satisfied, John hung up.


Next day, John called Al again, asking the same questions. "How are things?"
"Things are fine."

"How's Mom?"
"Mom's fine."

"How's the cat?"
"The cat's DEAD."

"WHAT?!?" John was quite distressed. "How could you let it die? It was my prize cat!"

"Well, John, I'm sorry, but I couldn't do anything, I didn't see it. But what I think happened was that the cat was on the roof, fell off, and broke his leg. Then, he hobbled out into the road, and got run over."

John was cooling down a bit now, and said, "Well, couldn't you have tried to break it to me over time? You could have said it bit by bit. For example, you could have first said 'The cat's on the roof', then the next day said 'The cat fell off the roof, and broke its leg', see what I'm saying."

"Yeah, yeah, I get it. See you later, John."
"Ok... bye." John hung up.

The next day, John phoned Al again. "How are things?"
"Things are fine."

"How's Mom?"
"Umh," Al said, "Mom's on the roof."