This was sent to me and I was asked to pass it on.................. :lol:
Memo from Santa:
I regret to inform you that, effective immediately, I will no longer
serve Georgia, Florida, West Virginia, Virginia, North and South
Carolina, Tennessee, Kentucky, Mississippi, Texas, Ohio or Alabama on Christmas Eve.
Due to the overwhelming current population of the earth, my contract
was renegotiated by North American Fairies and Elves Local 209. As part
of the new and better contract, I also get longer breaks for milk and
cookies so keep that in mind.
However, I'm certain that your children will be in good hands with your
local replacement, who happens to be my third cousin, Bubba Claus.
His side of the family is from the South Pole. He shares my goal of
delivering toys to all the good boys and girls; however, there are a
few differences between us.
Differences such as:
1. There is no danger of the Grinch stealing your presents from Bubba
Claus. He has a gun rack on his sleigh and a bumper sticker that reads:
"These toys insured by Smith and Wesson."
2. Instead of milk and cookies, Bubba Claus prefers that children leave
RC cola and pork rinds (or a moon pie) on the fireplace. And Bubba
doesn't smoke a pipe. He dips a little snuff, so please have an empty
spit can handy.
3. Bubba Claus' sleigh is pulled by floppy-eared, flyin' coon dogs
instead of reindeer. I made the mistake of loaning him a couple of my
reindeer one time, and Blitzen's head now overlooks Bubba's
fireplace.
4. You won't hear "On Comet, on Cupid, on Donner, and Blitzen..." when
Bubba Claus arrives.. Instead, you'll hear, "On Earnhardt, on Andretti,
on Elliott and Petty."
5. "Ho, Ho, Ho" has been replaced by "Yee Haw" And you also are likely
to hear Bubba's elves respond, "I her'd dat"
6. As required by Southern highway laws, Bubba Claus' sleigh does have
a Yosemite Sam safety triangle on the back with the words "Back Off."
7. The usual Christmas movie classics such as "Miracle on 34th Street"
and "It's a Wonderful Life" will not be shown in your negotiated viewing area.
Instead, you'll see "Boss Hogg Saves Christmas" and
"Smokey and the Bandit IV" featuring Burt Reynolds as Bubba Claus and
dozens of state patrol cars crashing into each other.
And Finally,
8. Bubba Claus doesn't wear a belt. If I were you, I'd make sure you,
the wife, and the kids turn the other way when he bends over to put
presents under the tree.
Sincerely Yours,
Santa Claus
My responce is as follows..............................
I am glad you have explained it to us. I was thinking I was losing it around here at Christmas time.
My stash of Grits and Cold Beer along with the catfish jerky always disappeared plus there was dog crap on the roof, not even saying anything about the empty Red Man Chewing tobacco bags in the yard along with the infestation of fleas.
Heck one year my prized flower pot (An old toilet) was missing from the front yard and I had spent a lot of time painting those Richard Petty Racing Car stickers on it. I was always blaming the jelous neighbors since it was not in there yard.
Looks like I am going to have to take down my Christmas display is this is true..... I wouldn't want to offend Bubba Clause with the 8 tiny pink flamingoes I have pulling his sleigh ( A Pirogue) out in the front yard. I still like that red nosed Gator that is leading them , might leave him out there.
Chuck.
Memo from Santa:
I regret to inform you that, effective immediately, I will no longer
serve Georgia, Florida, West Virginia, Virginia, North and South
Carolina, Tennessee, Kentucky, Mississippi, Texas, Ohio or Alabama on Christmas Eve.
Due to the overwhelming current population of the earth, my contract
was renegotiated by North American Fairies and Elves Local 209. As part
of the new and better contract, I also get longer breaks for milk and
cookies so keep that in mind.
However, I'm certain that your children will be in good hands with your
local replacement, who happens to be my third cousin, Bubba Claus.
His side of the family is from the South Pole. He shares my goal of
delivering toys to all the good boys and girls; however, there are a
few differences between us.
Differences such as:
1. There is no danger of the Grinch stealing your presents from Bubba
Claus. He has a gun rack on his sleigh and a bumper sticker that reads:
"These toys insured by Smith and Wesson."
2. Instead of milk and cookies, Bubba Claus prefers that children leave
RC cola and pork rinds (or a moon pie) on the fireplace. And Bubba
doesn't smoke a pipe. He dips a little snuff, so please have an empty
spit can handy.
3. Bubba Claus' sleigh is pulled by floppy-eared, flyin' coon dogs
instead of reindeer. I made the mistake of loaning him a couple of my
reindeer one time, and Blitzen's head now overlooks Bubba's
fireplace.
4. You won't hear "On Comet, on Cupid, on Donner, and Blitzen..." when
Bubba Claus arrives.. Instead, you'll hear, "On Earnhardt, on Andretti,
on Elliott and Petty."
5. "Ho, Ho, Ho" has been replaced by "Yee Haw" And you also are likely
to hear Bubba's elves respond, "I her'd dat"
6. As required by Southern highway laws, Bubba Claus' sleigh does have
a Yosemite Sam safety triangle on the back with the words "Back Off."
7. The usual Christmas movie classics such as "Miracle on 34th Street"
and "It's a Wonderful Life" will not be shown in your negotiated viewing area.
Instead, you'll see "Boss Hogg Saves Christmas" and
"Smokey and the Bandit IV" featuring Burt Reynolds as Bubba Claus and
dozens of state patrol cars crashing into each other.
And Finally,
8. Bubba Claus doesn't wear a belt. If I were you, I'd make sure you,
the wife, and the kids turn the other way when he bends over to put
presents under the tree.
Sincerely Yours,
Santa Claus
My responce is as follows..............................
I am glad you have explained it to us. I was thinking I was losing it around here at Christmas time.
My stash of Grits and Cold Beer along with the catfish jerky always disappeared plus there was dog crap on the roof, not even saying anything about the empty Red Man Chewing tobacco bags in the yard along with the infestation of fleas.
Heck one year my prized flower pot (An old toilet) was missing from the front yard and I had spent a lot of time painting those Richard Petty Racing Car stickers on it. I was always blaming the jelous neighbors since it was not in there yard.
Looks like I am going to have to take down my Christmas display is this is true..... I wouldn't want to offend Bubba Clause with the 8 tiny pink flamingoes I have pulling his sleigh ( A Pirogue) out in the front yard. I still like that red nosed Gator that is leading them , might leave him out there.
Chuck.