25 Things we should have learned by middle age
1. If you're too open-minded,
your brains will fall out.
2. Don't worry about what people think;
they don't do it very often.
3. Going to church doesn't make you
a Christian anymore than standing
in a garage makes you a car.
4. It ain't the jeans
that make your butt look fat.
5. Artificial intelligence is no match
for natural stupidity.
6. My idea of housework
is to sweep the room with a glance.
7. Not one shred of evidence supports
the notion that life is serious.
8. It is easier to get forgiveness
than permission.
9. For every action, there is an equal
and opposite government program
10. If you look like your passport picture,
you probably need the trip.
11. Bills travel through the mail
at twice the speed of checks.
12. A conscience is what hurts when
all of your other parts feel so good.
13. Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.
14. Men are from earth. Women are from earth.
Deal with it.
15. No man has ever been shot
while doing the dishes.
16. A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.
17. Middle age is when broadness of the mind
and narrowness of the waist change places.
18. Opportunities always look bigger
going than coming.
19. Junk is something you've kept
for years and throw away three weeks
before you need it.
20. There is always
one more imbecile
than you counted on.
21. Experience is a wonderful thing.
It enables you to recognize a mistake
when you make it again.
22. By the time you can make ends meet,
they move the ends.
23. Thou shalt not weigh more
than thy refrigerator.
24. Someone who thinks logically provides
a nice contrast to the real world.
25. If you must choose between two evils,
pick the one you've never tried before.
swampy
1. If you're too open-minded,
your brains will fall out.
2. Don't worry about what people think;
they don't do it very often.
3. Going to church doesn't make you
a Christian anymore than standing
in a garage makes you a car.
4. It ain't the jeans
that make your butt look fat.
5. Artificial intelligence is no match
for natural stupidity.
6. My idea of housework
is to sweep the room with a glance.
7. Not one shred of evidence supports
the notion that life is serious.
8. It is easier to get forgiveness
than permission.
9. For every action, there is an equal
and opposite government program
10. If you look like your passport picture,
you probably need the trip.
11. Bills travel through the mail
at twice the speed of checks.
12. A conscience is what hurts when
all of your other parts feel so good.
13. Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.
14. Men are from earth. Women are from earth.
Deal with it.
15. No man has ever been shot
while doing the dishes.
16. A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.
17. Middle age is when broadness of the mind
and narrowness of the waist change places.
18. Opportunities always look bigger
going than coming.
19. Junk is something you've kept
for years and throw away three weeks
before you need it.
20. There is always
one more imbecile
than you counted on.
21. Experience is a wonderful thing.
It enables you to recognize a mistake
when you make it again.
22. By the time you can make ends meet,
they move the ends.
23. Thou shalt not weigh more
than thy refrigerator.
24. Someone who thinks logically provides
a nice contrast to the real world.
25. If you must choose between two evils,
pick the one you've never tried before.
swampy
