OK Jack, time for us to stir the hornets nest! Too quiet. | SouthernPaddler.com

OK Jack, time for us to stir the hornets nest! Too quiet.

oldyaker

Well-Known Member
Aug 26, 2003
1,949
31
Tips for moving South......Yeee -Hawwww!

1. Save all manner of bacon grease, you will be instructed on how to use it later.

2. If you forget a southerners name, refer to him (or her) as "Bubba." You have a 75% chance of being right.

3. Just because you can drive on snow and ice does not mean we can. Stay home the two days it snows.

4. If you run your car into a ditch don't panic. Four men in the cab of a 4WD pick-up with a 12 pack of beer and a tow chain will be along shortly. Don't try to help them, just stay out of their way. This is what they live for.

5. Don't be surprised to find movie rentals and bait in the same store.

6. Do not buy food at the moavie store.

7.If it can't be fried in bacon grease, it ain't worth cooking. let alone eating.

8.Remember, "Y'all" is singular. "All Y'all" is plural, All Y'all's is plural possessive.

9. There is nothing sillier than a Northerner imitating a Southern accent, unless it's a Southerner imitating a Boston accent.

10. Get used to hearing, "Y'all ain't from around here are ya."

11. People walk slower here.

12. Don't be worried that you don't understand anyone. They don't understand you either.

13. The first Southern expression to creep into a transplanted Northerners vocabulary is the adjective "Big Ol truck" or "Big Ol boy." Eighty five percent begin their new Southern influenced dialect with this expression. One hundred percent are in denial of it.

14. The proper pronunciation you learned in school is no longer proper.

15. Be advised: The "He needed kill'n." defense is valid here.

16. If attending a funeral here in the South, remember that we stay until the last shovel of dirt is thrown and the tent is torn down.

17. If you hear a Southerner exclaim, "Hey Y'all, wath this!" Stay out of his way! These are lilely the last words he will ever say.

18. Most Southerners don't use turn signals, and they ignore those who do. In fact, if you see a signal blinking on a car with a Southern license plate, you may rest assured that it was on when the car was purchased.

19. Northerners can be identified by the spit on the inside of the windshield that comes from yelling at other drivers.

20. The winter wardrobe you brought out in September can now wait until November.

21. If ther is a prediction of the slightest chance of even the most minuscule accumulation of snow , your presence is required at the local grocery store. It does not matter if you need anything or not, it's just something your supposed to do.

22. Satellite dishes are very popular in the South. When you purchase one, it is to be positioned in front of your trailer. This is logical, bearing in mind that the dish cost considerably more than the trailer and should, therefore be displayed.

23. Tornadoes and Southerners going thru a divorce have alot in common, either way, someone is going to lose a trailer.

24. Florida is not considered a Southern state. There are far more Northerners living there than Southerners.

25. In Southern churches you will hear the hymn, "All Glory, Laud and Honor." You will also hear expressions such as, "Laud have mercy" and "Good Laud" and "Laudy, Laudy, Laudy".

26. As you are cursing the person doing 15mph in a 55mph zone, directly in the middle of the road, remember, many folks learned to drive on a model of vehicle known as John Deere, and this is the proper lane and speed for this vehicle.

27. You can ask a Southerner for directions, but unless you already know the positions of key hills, trees, rocks, and where buildings used to stand, you're better of trying to find it yourself. :D
 

Kayak Jack

Well-Known Member
Aug 26, 2003
13,976
171
86
Okemos / East Lansing Michigan
28. "Iz thu wattah bawlin yet"

29. "I gotta git thu erl changed in mu truk."

30. "Son, I wisht ya cudda seen yur Momma at our weddin. ... course, ya nearly did."

31. "Momma! Kin I play wif Grampa?" "KID! If you dig him up just ONE more time ...."

32. A guy left Kintuckee & went to Floridy. Raised the average IQ in bof states, he did.
 

DocMobius

Well-Known Member
Aug 25, 2003
124
0
Wasola, Missouri
Hey Y'all

You Forgot the most importent trait of a Southerner next to pride,

Southerners have the greatest sense of humor :!:

We've had a hundred or so years of laughs watching y'all :shock:

DocMobius
American by Birth
Southern by the Grace of God
 

oldyaker

Well-Known Member
Aug 26, 2003
1,949
31
Yes Sir!

Doc, God bless ya and all our southern friends! We love ya! :D
We can sure hyave have alot of fun with each other and we might as well all laugh! :lol: We ain't gett'n out of it alive! Have fun, this life ain't a practice run, we only got one shot, let's make it a good one! :D
 

Swampy

Well-Known Member
Aug 25, 2003
1,736
0
Southeastern North Carolina
Just how many Yankees sing "I wish I was in the land of cotton?"
too many :shock:



Know how we kin tell when yankees are movin in?
When someone sells an ol' outhouse site fer $250,000 :lol:
Swampy livin whar nawtheners won't....
 

Swampy

Well-Known Member
Aug 25, 2003
1,736
0
Southeastern North Carolina
Bro Jim, ya do have sum idees there that I hazn't thought o'in a spell and might jest come in handy...
Now that sister Martha haz sum Federal problemz , ya'll might jest move in an' take her place ! :lol:

Sum other ones ya'll may need to know about:
Marlyland Farmer : ain't a genteelman who slops hogs....
If a guy named "Jodi" is said to hang'in around yer place... git the shotgun ready!
We iz proud of our war heritage and cemitaries...(more Yanks in 'em than Rebs).
Our Southern Hospitality iz a conditioned reflex but once abused it becomes a consern of our Southern Hospitals.
Don't go into a store an' ask fer "Pop"... they'll probably scratch thar heads and say they don't rightly know...
Which brings me to #1 don't lay $25 on a tree stump if'in ya don't take to hard cider :wink:
An' if ya happen to see the "Stars& Bars" don't point at it and grin... tharz sum vetranz still abouts... those ol' flint locks are slow and don't aim az well az the new fangled ones do... but graveyard dead is still graveyard dead... :shock:
But ya'll come on down an' sit a spell! We'll fry sum fish an' jaw a bit fore we go out hog wraslin. :D
swampy
Ya'll do knowz what the diff betwix a Yankee and a Damn Yankee iz don't ya?
A Yankee comez down and visits.. A damn Yankee stays :D :D :D
 

Rusty

Active Member
Oct 9, 2003
42
0
Central Fla.
yankees

The problem with most yankees is, they came down here with one clean t-shirt and a five dollar bill and ain't changed either one since they been here.

Rusty <><